Official Chuck Norris Jokes Thread!

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[Mr. Munke]

that weird watching Chuck Norris read facts about Chuck Norris

[133794m3r]

Originally Posted by Mr. Munke

that weird watching Chuck Norris read facts about Chuck Norris

it's called the Chuck Paradox....:P

[Jorvette]

Chuck Norris Sank the Titanic when he Roundhouse kicked it into an iceberg.

[133794m3r]

Chuck Norris has fathered more children than Zues and Bang Camaro combined.

[pspboy93]

If you can see chuck norris he can see you
if you can't see chuck norris you have thirty seconds to live

[133794m3r]

This is a very little known fact. During the World Wars Chuck Norris was the only farmer doing anything. It was thanks to him that we had enough crops. He was also the only thing from causing a great drought.... sadly the govt. refused to pay him. And he refused to piss in the mid west thus causing the dust bowl.

[xxxcron619xxx]

when the boogyman goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for chuck norris

[pj9000]

Chuck Norris can speak braille buddy. Its the truth.

[pj9000]

Chuck Norris can speak braille

[mortified]

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet...even when he pisses

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris once sued Bubble-tape, claiming that "Six feet of fun!" was the trademark for his penis

Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajama's.

Chuck Norris has no chin. His beard simply hides his third fist.

Chuck Norris Ends every relationship with, "It's not me, its you"

The fact is, Chuck Norris died a long time ago. Thing is, the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him

If Chuck Norris' clone fought Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win. Period.

Chuck Norris can run so fast he can run around the earth and punch himself in the back of the head.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris was just on vacation.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to one of their songs.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

And those are the ones from memory....

Win?

[Locke]

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5

Poor Lance, lost 0-5. That's 'cause Chuck Norris once lost a testicle in a fight. It is now known by its more common name, Jupiter.

[Mr. Munke]

years ago they had the idea to bottle Chuck Norris' urine as sell it as a drink we now know it as RedBull.

Chuck Norris invented the cesarean section by Round House Kicking his way out of his mothers womb.

[Yoshi37]

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Thats my personal favorite!
and hello to everyone here

[AceofSpades1005]

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stares at it and dares it to grow.

[mortified]

Oh, i forgot one.... Chuck Norris owns a Zune. Therefor, zune pwns iPod

[fallenchunks]

chuck norris doesnt tea bag ppl he potato sacks them

chuck norris went to the virgin islands when he left they were just the islands

the movie dying young was about chuck norris's kindergarten class

chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding

chuck norris killed miley cyruses hopes and dreams

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

ome people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

f tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

he grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

f you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.