Official Chuck Norris Jokes Thread!

[mrs. cutiepie]

Originally Posted by carnealse

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

thats one of my favorite chuck norris jokes in the history of forever. WOO!

[Chri(Z)tian]

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

[mrs. cutiepie]

Originally Posted by Chri(Z)tian

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

bbq flavored ice cream. . wow. . my face screwed up and then i felt slightl nauseous.

but hot pockets saved the day. as usual. man they're tasty

[Chri(Z)tian]

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

My little cousin told me this one...

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

[133794m3r]

TV
No one knows where Springfield (the one where the Simpsons live) is because that is where Chuck Norris goes to be alone. And no one wants to bother him during "Norris-time".
Dale Gribble is paranoid because he thinks that Chuck Norris is after him.
Hank Hill has no butt because Chuck Norris kicked it off him when he was a child.
The bunny was late...to Chuck Norris's foot rub.

[Chri(Z)tian]

Originally Posted by 133794m3r

TV
No one knows where Springfield (the one where the Simpsons live) is because that is where Chuck Norris goes to be alone. And no one wants to bother him during "Norris-time".
Dale Gribble is paranoid because he thinks that Chuck Norris is after him.
Hank Hill has no butt because Chuck Norris kicked it off him when he was a child.
The bunny was late...to Chuck Norris's foot rub.

Lol Norris Time..sounds like an old ladies alone time. Norris..
And lol at the connection between King of the hill and Chuck Norris...classic.

[133794m3r]

well that's how I do it, I have a very large collection.
Games
Halo
The grunts are not running away from Master Chief, they are running away from Chuck Norris.
The halos didn't kill the forerunners, Chuck Norris did.
Master Chief was supposed to be named Master Chuck, but Chuck Norris didn't like the title "master"; he prefers the title god.
Chuck Norris is The Master Chief. He wears the visor because if the Covenant saw him coming, the game would end instantly.


Now just keep this thread as non spam and I'll keep 'em coming.
General Games
Chuck Norris was going to be in a PS3 game, but there weren't enough pixels for his beard.
Nemesis, from Resident Evil 3, is Chuck Norris' pet.
Chuck Norris caught 750 different Pokemon... on the first day the game was out. Using only one version. And he didn't care for the fact that there's only 493 nor the fact that they are split between 12 different versions. And three of them are Japanese.
Chuck Norris was one of the original bosses for the Megaman series, but was later removed when the creators discovered that he made the game unbeatable.
All your base are belong to Chuck.

[Chri(Z)tian]

Originally Posted by 133794m3r

General Games
Chuck Norris was going to be in a PS3 game, but there weren't enough pixels for his beard.
Nemesis, from Resident Evil 3, is Chuck Norris' pet.
Chuck Norris caught 750 different Pokemon... on the first day the game was out. Using only one version. And he didn't care for the fact that there's only 493 nor the fact that they are split between 12 different versions. And three of them are Japanese.
Chuck Norris was one of the original bosses for the Megaman series, but was later removed when the creators discovered that he made the game unbeatable.
All your base are belong to Chuck.

Lol I love these! I love the pokemon and megaman one! Dude keep em coming!
Meh so this wont be counted as spam I'll post some chuck norris facts..

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!

Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.

When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.

Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

[133794m3r]

OK, thanks just as long as this thread is non spam. I keep 'em coming.
Anime
There was once a digimon named Chucknorrismon. It had all the powers of Chuck Norris. But, alas, it was deemed too powerful seeing as it's only attack, Roundhouse-Kick, destoryed any opponent, so it was never shown.
When Haruhi Suzumiya tries to create a new universe, the old one doesn't get destroyed. Chuck Norris eats it.

For you zombii
Chuck Norris kicked Sesshomaru's ass without getting struck at least once.

back to anime
Chuck Norris can have more then 6 Pokemon with him.
Fullmetal
There was supposed to be an eighth Homunculus based on the eighth deadly sin, but "mentioning the name of Chuck Norris without fear in your heart" was too long. Chuck Norris would have roundhouse kicked that homunculus anyways.
Chuck Norris CAN do Human Transmutation without the Philosopher's Stone, because Chuck Norris isn't human.
Chuck Norris can't transmute himself yet, meaning we are safe for now.
Chuck Norris managed to alchemically modify his stomach to be like Gluttony's without the infinite hunger.

[133794m3r]

This isn't double post because it's been 2 days.
Note: If you read any of these, and laugh, beware. If you're on the same planet as Chuck Norris, you're already dead. If you aren't, wait five minutes.

1. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Isles. Now they're called the Isles.
2. Chuck Norris does not "teabag" the ladies. He "Potato-Sacks" them.
3. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2. No one fools Chuck Norris
4. Homosexuals only exist because they are afraid that they might sleep with one of Chuck Norris' women.
5. Most Anti-Bacterial soaps claim to kill 99.9% of all germs. Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever the hell he wants.
6. Chuck Norris' beard isn't just trademarked- it's patented.
7. Chuck Norris doesn't play God, because playing is for children.
8. Chuck Norris eats grenades for breakfast
9. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he alters your DNA. Decades from now, your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell, "What the **** was that!?"
10. When Chuck Norris was a teen, he had sex with every nun in a small convent in Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated champions in NFL history.

[mr.handsomeman]

chuck norris ate garbage one day and had to go take a poo. The end result was hence called the "ipod"

[Chri(Z)tian]

Originally Posted by mr.handsomeman

chuck norris ate garbage one day and had to go take a poo. The end result was hence called the "ipod"

LMFAO!

Quoted for truth. I guess I'ma be getting Chuck Norris's poo then because Im getting an ipod touch for my birth day =P.

[GuardianSNK]

Chuck Norris uppercut a horse and made the Giraffe

[Meekins]

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Chuck Norris can taste Lies.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

^ i have 50 facts posted on my door just to annoy my family lol.

[Chri(Z)tian]

Chuck Norris uppercut a horse and made the Giraffe

Lol I can picture that happening.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Now that's bad *ss!

[29kratos]

chuck norris is a very hyped up person that is not that great. he get way to much credit for sucking.

[133794m3r]

Well you're a person who doesn't get a joke. These are jokes.

[Neobeard]

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.