Official Chuck Norris Jokes Thread! - Page 4

133794m3r · 03-23-2008, 05:11 PM

If you misspell Chuck Norris on google, it doesn't say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?". It only says "Run while you still have a chance!"

Chri(Z)tian · 03-24-2008, 01:12 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street, he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

133794m3r · 03-24-2008, 01:40 PM

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chri(Z)tian · 03-24-2008, 05:48 PM

Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Jhon FAKe · 03-24-2008, 06:14 PM

chuck norris hat is made with the skin of the nut sack of hulk that chuck norris cut with his hands.

chuck norris can program using paint

chuck norris can scratch his rigth elbow with his rigth hand

chuck norris doesnt play to be god. playing is for children

133794m3r · 03-24-2008, 06:19 PM

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

mr.handsomeman · 03-26-2008, 10:05 AM

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

HA HA!

133794m3r · 03-26-2008, 03:21 PM

Homosexuals only exist because they are afraid that they might sleep with one of Chuck Norris' women.
Chuck Norris' beard is made of barbed wire , and held together with the souls of mortals.

Chiups · 03-27-2008, 06:01 AM

mr.handsomeman · 03-27-2008, 07:21 AM

Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

133794m3r · 03-27-2008, 12:22 PM

OK, how's that a fact. Oh well it counts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiups 2.0

I once insulted Chuck Norris and am now writing this from another dimension.

mr.handsomeman · 03-27-2008, 01:11 PM

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

133794m3r · 03-27-2008, 02:54 PM

Some WoW jokes.

Chuck Norris didn't have to learn to ride his flying mount, he is the flying mount... *roundhoused* No one mounts Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris is immune to polymorph, and everything else for that matter
The Lich King keeps Chuck Norris' beer cold.
If 40 level 1 gnomes raid Hogger, Chuck Norris will kill all the Survivors, bring Hogger back to life and kick his ass again.

Chri(Z)tian · 03-27-2008, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 133794m3r

Some WoW jokes.

Chuck Norris didn't have to learn to ride his flying mount, he is the flying mount... *roundhoused* No one mounts Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris is immune to polymorph, and everything else for that matter
The Lich King keeps Chuck Norris' beer cold.
If 40 level 1 gnomes raid Hogger, Chuck Norris will kill all the Survivors, bring Hogger back to life and kick his ass again.

LMFAO!

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

133794m3r · 03-27-2008, 03:14 PM

thanks I'll go and get some more.
I'll now categorize them.
Lit.
The Tralfamadorians can't be seen, not because they live in the Fourth Dimension, but because they are hiding from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was in Harry's house the night Voldemort failed to kill Harry. Chuck was the reason Voldemort lost his body for 13 years. This was Chuck's only failure in recorded history.
In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the Vogons didn't destroy Earth. Chuck Norris did. With one hit. Also, Arthur only ended up on their ship because Chuck threw him in hopes that he'd die soon. (it was a failure, oops roundhoused)
When Aragorn's ancestor Isildur killed Sauron, Chuck turned him into the Eye so it could do his evil bidding.

Chri(Z)tian · 03-27-2008, 03:31 PM

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

carnealse · 03-27-2008, 03:39 PM

Chuck Norris was pulled over for going 300 in a 25 zone. He was let off on a technicality because it is not illegal to walk.

Chuck Norris does not learn from books, books learn from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he does not push himself up. He pushed the world away from himself.

When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you.

When people go to sleep at night they check the closet for the boogie man. When the boogie man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

133794m3r · 03-27-2008, 04:17 PM

games
While playing Guitar Hero 3, Chuck Norris beat Through the Fire and the Flames, on expert, with his back turned, without touching the controller, on three consoles at the same time...perfectly.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
Chuck Norris' ground moves can hit flying Pok�mon.
Chuck Norris has never lost a game of chess. After his opening move, he always announced "Two seconds 'til."
The Fused Shadows from the ******** Kingdom were actually created by Chuck Norris in 3rd Grade Art class.

Chri(Z)tian · 03-27-2008, 04:43 PM

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

03-23-2008, 05:11 PM	#61 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	If you misspell Chuck Norris on google, it doesn't say "Did you mean Chuck Norris?". It only says "Run while you still have a chance!" __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-24-2008, 01:40 PM	#63 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-24-2008, 06:14 PM	#65 (permalink)
Jhon FAKe Experienced Zuner Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Cd. Juarez ,mex Posts: 177 Reputation: 10	chuck norris hat is made with the skin of the nut sack of hulk that chuck norris cut with his hands. chuck norris can program using paint chuck norris can scratch his rigth elbow with his rigth hand chuck norris doesnt play to be god. playing is for children __________________ "HUMANS MAY RULE THE EARTH, GOD MAY RULE THE SKIES BUT DARTH VADER RULES THE GALAXY" -JHON FAKe To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-24-2008, 06:19 PM	#66 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-26-2008, 10:05 AM	#67 (permalink)
mr.handsomeman Expert Zuner Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 3,494 Reputation: 26	Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times. HA HA! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Written by the love of my life...thanks Brittany. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-26-2008, 03:21 PM	#68 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	Homosexuals only exist because they are afraid that they might sleep with one of Chuck Norris' women. Chuck Norris' beard is made of barbed wire , and held together with the souls of mortals. __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-27-2008, 06:01 AM	#69 (permalink)
Chiups Makes it do what it do Retired Staff Expert Zuner Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,799 Reputation: 120	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-27-2008, 07:21 AM	#70 (permalink)
mr.handsomeman Expert Zuner Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 3,494 Reputation: 26	Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Written by the love of my life...thanks Brittany. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-27-2008, 01:11 PM	#72 (permalink)
mr.handsomeman Expert Zuner Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 3,494 Reputation: 26	Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Written by the love of my life...thanks Brittany. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-27-2008, 02:54 PM	#73 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	Some WoW jokes. Chuck Norris didn't have to learn to ride his flying mount, he is the flying mount... roundhoused No one mounts Chuck Norris! Chuck Norris is immune to polymorph, and everything else for that matter The Lich King keeps Chuck Norris' beer cold. If 40 level 1 gnomes raid Hogger, Chuck Norris will kill all the Survivors, bring Hogger back to life and kick his ass again. __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-27-2008, 03:14 PM	#75 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	thanks I'll go and get some more. I'll now categorize them. Lit. The Tralfamadorians can't be seen, not because they live in the Fourth Dimension, but because they are hiding from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was in Harry's house the night Voldemort failed to kill Harry. Chuck was the reason Voldemort lost his body for 13 years. This was Chuck's only failure in recorded history. In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the Vogons didn't destroy Earth. Chuck Norris did. With one hit. Also, Arthur only ended up on their ship because Chuck threw him in hopes that he'd die soon. (it was a failure, oops roundhoused) When Aragorn's ancestor Isildur killed Sauron, Chuck turned him into the Eye so it could do his evil bidding. __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-27-2008, 03:39 PM	#77 (permalink)
carnealse Jr. Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Va Beach Posts: 476 Reputation: 31	Chuck Norris was pulled over for going 300 in a 25 zone. He was let off on a technicality because it is not illegal to walk. Chuck Norris does not learn from books, books learn from Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris does a push up, he does not push himself up. He pushed the world away from himself. When God sneezes, people say Chuck Norris bless you. When people go to sleep at night they check the closet for the boogie man. When the boogie man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-27-2008, 04:17 PM	#78 (permalink)
133794m3r Elite Zuner Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: On the interenet. Posts: 2,008 Reputation: 43	games While playing Guitar Hero 3, Chuck Norris beat Through the Fire and the Flames, on expert, with his back turned, without touching the controller, on three consoles at the same time...perfectly. Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan. Chuck Norris' ground moves can hit flying Pok�mon. Chuck Norris has never lost a game of chess. After his opening move, he always announced "Two seconds 'til." The Fused Shadows from the ******** Kingdom were actually created by Chuck Norris in 3rd Grade Art class. __________________ ZB Rednecks The best Nascar Racer and sponsor of Rednecks and newly Gay for ZB rednecks.

03-27-2008, 04:43 PM	#79 (permalink)
Chri(Z)tian Super Zuner Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Florida Posts: 1,701 Reputation: 103	In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Thanks for the sig stkr!

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