Finally!
Took them a whole month, but I got the replacement by UPS today. Sounds like a lot of Zunes were stuck on a UPS truck in TX somewhere between Laredo and McAllen. Maybe Jabil didn't pay their UPS bills.
Apparently, they don't even try to repair the 30GBs anymore. I got a new-looking refurbished pink 30GB Zune. The radio does work

However it's still on zune 1 firmware so I'm going to have to upgrade it soon. Unfortunately the 30 day warranty timer started counting down early last week.
Anyway, wish me luck! It's been a long month