10 random Mr.T jokes/facts

[Zuneologist]

1)The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity.

2) Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot.

3)Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

4)Mr. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods.

5)In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools.

6)To make sure he was born tough, Mr. T's mother would punch her womb between shots of vodka.

7)When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out.

8)When Mr. T was a little boy, his father told him he was going to get a spanking for bad behavior. Just before he spanked Mr. T, his Dad said, "Son, this is going to hurt me alot more than it hurts you." Mr. T's Dad was right.

9)The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

10)Mr. T does not read these facts. He ain't got time for this jibba-jabba.

bonus:a)The USA does not really have 130,000 troops deployed in Iraq. That's just politics. 99% of the shock and awe campaign was Mr. T, a backpack of Old English, and a 1986 explorer conversion van.

b)Ever have one of those nights when you'd wake up panting and sweating? That was Mr.T, and you my friend, have just been pitied.

c)While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week.

d)Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture.

e)The first car was initially named the "Ford Transpor-mobile." Mr. T pitied Henry Ford so bad that Ford came to his senses and appropriately changed the name to the "Model T."

[Samurai]

All I can say is ROFL

+1 rep. You rock.

[Tensaei]

4)Mr. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods.

More like he pitied the half black.

[Robb4248]

I just finished laughing REALLY hard... lol

[Zuneologist]

i really liked many of these, especially the one with Sly Stone...seeing that i've never heard him speak clearly in his life.