Dad is cheating

[starrchylde]

well your mom is gonna be hurt, but she cant hold it against you and its better that she finds out now rather than later.....as far as your dad goes you can ask your mom to leave you out of it and not tell your dad that you are the one that told her....im sure she wouldnt want to bring your name into it anyway.....i just know the longer it goes on without her knowing the more potential damage that will be done.....her finding out the truth will hurt, but it will hurt a lot less than for her to continue to live a lie and find out later.....its already been 2 years, maybe even more......she needs to know....just make sure to tell her that you dont want to be part of the confrontation between the two of them......she wont hold it against you....and just dont tell her how long youve known about it if thats what you are worried about.....she doesnt need to know how long youve known.....just that its happening.....she will find out how long exactly on her own im sure

[Charge]

But what happens if its not happening any more? And he just talks to her normally (I haven't checked his phone recently) Should i still say even though its in the past?

Thank you Starr

[starrchylde]

well even if its not happening anymore the fact is he still did it....and for a long time.....she should really know.....if it would make you feel better you can wait to see if you find something to let you know that he may still be cheating.....but i think either way she should know....and i doubt he is not doing it anymore with the evidence you said you found.....sounds like it is too serious to him for him to stop.....but its up to you....either way i am here for advice and comfort

[JON123123]

I think you need to talk to your dad. Your dad is the one with the problem and someone, either you or your mom will have to eventually talk to him about it. You need to confront him even if he is not doing it anymore. This stuff going on will tear a family apart, even if it’s not going on at the present time. Think about how you should go about doing this first, would you rather you talk to your dad and let him know you found out, or your mom? Which one do you think will have a better outcome and help keep the family together? I don’t know your family so I can’t answer these questions. Your dad needs to have a long talk to your mom about all this, after you or your mom confronts him with it. There are only two possibilities that can happen after everything is all said. Either your dad will leave the family or he will stay. If he is still in an affair now all that stuff will just keep building up, and eventually things will go bad. The sooner it gets out the better. At first things will probably get worse after you or your mom tells your dad, but some things have to get worse before they get better. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

[Red Sky]

Now i don't know your dad, but I think the best thing to do is to talk to him. Tell him you haven't said anything to mom. Also tell him that it's tearing you up inside. If he cares about you he'll try to make things better for you. I've never had this issue so I can't tell you first hand how to handle it, but that's what I'd do.

[kantk2008]

There is one thing you can do:

1. If you have school, wait until your dad has one of his 'business trips' on the weekend, and ask him where he's going.

2. If it's reachable, tell your mom you want to go to his location and give him a surprise. Tell your mom to come with you.

3. If she says no, try this trick again. If she comes with you, go there.

4. Naturally, the dad won't be there. If some collegues are there, ask him if your dad came here and obviously they'll say 'no'. Then, call him on his mobile and put it on speaker. Ask him where he is.

5. Now, this is where luck comes in. If he's human, he'll say:

"Why, where I told you I'll be, of course!'

Then, your mom will find out he's lying and will probably find out all by herself.

[Charge]

Thanks for the help. Ive had a lot on my plate recently and im moving out soon so really want to get everything sorted with him and everything. Get my facts straight

[Charge]

Sorry to bring back a dead thread. I just really needed to post.

At the moment everything is fine. He isn't any more and were all happy.

But it still plays on my mind, that he has, and that he is getting away with it.

I really want to say just so he knows I knows and he its not right that he did what he did, and everyone is still happy, as if it was ok.

What should I do. I want to say, but were all happy. I still hate my dad for this.

[J2800]

Aren't you 18 now? I think that you could go to him quietly, keeping it from your mom, and just tell him that you knew about it.

[BlackFox]

If everything's all good then I'm not sure if you should talk about it. Because that might make some tension between you and your dad.

[Vogue]

I discovered my father browsing the personal ads on Craigslist a few months ago, and I've seen some vomit-inducing text messages on his phone. I have a very candid relationship with him, but I still couldn't bring myself to say it. My mother has been through enough in her life to deal with a cheating husband. I started hinting at the fact that I knew. He, apparently, has a thing for transsexuals. Coincidentally enough, I recently through a get together and three guests were in transition. The suspicious behavior has stopped after meeting them, so I think I might have lucked out. I think he feels bad for treating the trans-community like a toy shop.

It's hard to find out something like this. You could leave him an anonymous (typed) message or something. I sent a few anonymous e-mails about it, and he subsequently changed his screenname. =\

Good luck, man.

[J2800]

I agree with Vogue. You could send him anonymous messages...

Although that might look to creeper/stalker/lurker ish.

[Charge]

I thought about that. But then he might get very edgey, and not be himself, where then people ask questions, and he says himself. I just cant bare the weight anymore.

[J2800]

Where had they been cheating? His house? Her house? A dark alley?

[Charge]

He used to go on "business" trips and meet her at hotels/whatever.

It seemed as if he planned to start a new life, and take me with him.

[Shadow]

I suppose that your decision as to whether or not you will tell your dad or do something else besides keeping it a secret depends on a few things. Answer the following questions as a guideline (remember, this is just a guideline; ultimately, it all comes down to what you feel and how you decide to act; no one besides you can decide).

1. Will anything change if you do something?

2. What will the change be?

3. Will that change be good or bad?

4. What will change if you don't do anything?

5. If anything does change, will it be for the better or for worse?

[roebeet]

Unfortunately, parents are as human as you are, make the same mistakes and can hurt the people they love (intentionally or not).

You really have to gauge his personality, and how you think he would react to being found out. Some people would feel guilty and remorseful, but others could get defensive or even violent.

[J2800]

That's what you would have to worry about, is him getting defensive and violent. If you want to talk to him about it, make sure you have evidence so he doesn't just deny it.

[Netrix]

All crimes that have happened are in the past, so it being in the past does not mean too much. It was not simply a "mistake". It did not just happen once. It happened several times. He knew what he was doing. Even if he feels sorry about it, that does not excuse his actions and it does not mean that he should be able to get away with it.

What I think you should do is decide whether you think it would be safe (health-wise) to call him out on it, i.e. if it would result in homicide/suicide/bodily injury. You should keep watching what he does and if he does it again, if it is safe, you should leave him an anonymous message and if he ends up admitting it, then the truth would be known and you would not have to worry about keeping a secret any longer.