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Old 11-14-2008, 05:20 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Well the only thing i can think of is make sure his is for 100% sure cause if hes not then that could mean worse for everyone and i know how you feel i had the same issue but my mom eventually found out on her own and i told her later i had know about it and all she said was you shouldn't have to worry about that and i under stand (i was only like 11) well sorry I'm rambling i hope that helps
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:23 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ChrisV1 View Post
That's a tough situation, and I really feel bad for you.

This may sound like an assumption, but someone else will find out eventually and spill the beans (I mean you found out, right?). If your dad keeps cheating it may be because he feels that he hasn't been caught yet. Maybe if you tell him you know what's up he might stop.

Or in a last resort situation, tell him to stop or your tell your mom.

I hope that helps.
It does thank you. I know what you mean ive thought of everything, kinda blackmailing him but i know that he is the type of person to go "i dont care about any of you" and walk out. And i dont want that. My family is happy. I can remind myself of it but if i forget it doesnt seem like he is.





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Old 11-15-2008, 10:00 AM   #23 (permalink)
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I feel really sorry for you. I'd recommend telling your mom somehow. If you want to do it anonymously, that's fine. Obviously though, your mom would want to know that this is going on and she deserves to know.

This is a really tough situation. Hope you pull through okay.
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Old 11-17-2008, 11:25 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Same here bro, i know too but my mom doesent.
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Old 11-17-2008, 12:07 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Same here bro, i know too but my mom doesent.
It sucks doesnt it. I just want him to be the father i always thought he was and tell my mum. He is out all this week, god knows where he has gone/is going. "Business trip" Yea i do believe he does go on some of these but not all of them.





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Old 12-18-2008, 09:12 PM   #26 (permalink)
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It would be best if you told your mom about it. Don't let it continue any longer. 'Nip it in the bud' as Barney Fife would say...
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Old 12-19-2008, 03:41 AM   #27 (permalink)
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i really really want to but im not sure if he still is now. But i dont want to hurt my moms feelings not around this time of year anyway. He seems closer to the family but still not happy =/





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Old 12-19-2008, 05:20 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I just read an advice column with a problem like this, I'll tell you when I find it
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:31 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Thanks Bolt =]





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Old 12-20-2008, 08:31 AM   #30 (permalink)
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It might've been in a paper 2 days ago... I'll have to search. Sorry in advance if I can't find it
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Old 12-20-2008, 08:46 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Dont worry if not thank you for helping though





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Old 12-22-2008, 02:55 PM   #32 (permalink)
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I found it. It's not exactly the same, but...

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Originally Posted by MN Star Tribune, 12-17
Dear Carolyn: I was recently at my parents' house, and I went to check my e-mail.

When I opened the browser, I found that my father had not signed out of an e-mail account that I did not know existed. I caught a look at the previews of the messages, and, from what I can tell, my father is having some kind of extramarital relationships. Now I don't know what to do. Do I tell my mom? Do I tell my dad that I know? Please help me.

C.


Carolyn says: Tell your dad what you stumbled across and how you stumbled across it, taking care not to draw any conclusions from what you've found.

It's not a great solution, it's just the least bad of three bad solutions: (1) tattle on Dad; (2) leave Mom in the dark; (3) give Dad a chance to clean up any messes he's made.

The downside of this choice is obvious, since you have no guarantee that your father will do the right thing by your mother. However, you also don't know exactly what that right thing is. For all you know, your father has your mother's consent.

That's why I believe -- and people do disagree vehemently on this, particularly now in the Age of the Virus -- that the two extremes of telling all and not saying anything both put you smack in the middle of the drama, where someone with your factual but limited knowledge doesn't belong. You don't know what occurs between your parents in their private moments, you don't know what your father is doing with other people, if anything -- and you know too much to stay silent without it being a lie of omission to your mother.

An added advantage of letting Dad handle it is that you can change your approach, and get more involved as circumstances dictate. By contrast, if you tell Mom everything, that's it -- there's no changing course.

If your father is indeed having affairs, and if it would be a blow to your mom, then the impact of the blow is a valid consideration, too. You want to give their marriage its best chance, which the tell-Dad option represents. Think of it this way: Would you rather find out about an affair from your spouse after s/he chose to end it, or from someone other than your spouse while the affair is still going on? Splitting hairs sounds better than splitting parents.
Hope this helps
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Old 12-22-2008, 02:59 PM   #33 (permalink)
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yea thank you so much Bolt that puts things in perspective =] Im just gonna make sure he is still doing it then hopefully tell him =/ im scared





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Old 12-22-2008, 03:11 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Good luck! Here's where I copied it from: Carolyn Hax: Should mom be told about dad's e-mail?
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Old 12-22-2008, 03:12 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Thank you given me some things to think about =]

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Old 12-22-2008, 04:11 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Man, that sucks.
Never happened to me personally, but happened to my friend.
He told his mom face-to-face while the dad went out and the mom divorced the dad and won custody over him because the dad was the guy cheating.
And now he's happy.
Maybe something similar to that can be your solution?
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Old 12-22-2008, 04:15 PM   #37 (permalink)
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yea hopefully. Thats what i want to do but the family is happy now =/ and will be. nd i dont want to mess it up





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Old 01-05-2009, 11:24 PM   #38 (permalink)
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GOOD LUCK.




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Old 01-06-2009, 12:55 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Your mom deserves to know the truth about what is going on....I had a similar situation with my parents when I was young and my mom found out on her own.....it may hurt your mom, but in the long run its up to her if she leaves or not....this is just one of those things that you can only tell what you know and leave the rest to your parents.....who knows, maybe they will work things out amongst themselves....but if its been going on for 2 years, that you know of, then I doubt your dad is planning on ending it any time soon.....the longer it goes on without your mom knowing the more its going to hurt her....and there is no way she can blame you for what your dad is doing....and there is nothing saying you have to tell her that youve known about it for so long....she will find out the length of the relationship on her own

Good Luck
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Old 01-06-2009, 01:53 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Your mom deserves to know the truth about what is going on....I had a similar situation with my parents when I was young and my mom found out on her own.....it may hurt your mom, but in the long run its up to her if she leaves or not....this is just one of those things that you can only tell what you know and leave the rest to your parents.....who knows, maybe they will work things out amongst themselves....but if its been going on for 2 years, that you know of, then I doubt your dad is planning on ending it any time soon.....the longer it goes on without your mom knowing the more its going to hurt her....and there is no way she can blame you for what your dad is doing....and there is nothing saying you have to tell her that youve known about it for so long....she will find out the length of the relationship on her own

Good Luck
I just dont know how she would react. Or my Dad.





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