No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club".
The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses."
In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
In Los Angeles, California, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.)
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.
In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
In Willowdale, Oregon no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).
And in a similar manner:
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during theexamination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.!! The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough Problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
One may only throw a stone at a bird in self-defense.
No person within the city may possess confetti. (Mobile, Alabama)
It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts.
Licenses must be bought in order to own television sets, and even VCRs. (What city is this?)
ALASKA
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
ARIZONA
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
ARKNASAS
Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
CALIFORNIA
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Bathhouses are against the law.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
COLORADO
One may not mutilate a rock in a state park.
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.
Connecticut
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
FLORIDA (Which is FILLED with dumb laws)
Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
It is illegal to sell your children.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
Oral sex is illegal.
You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
GEORGIA
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
You may not use profanity around a dead body
HAWAII
Billboards are outlawed.
All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
IDAHO (Some of the best laws)
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
You may not fish on a camel's back.
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
ILLINOIS
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
The English language is not to be spoken.
INDIANA (The best one)
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
The value of Pi is 3.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.
IOWA
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
Tanning bed facilities must warn of the risk of getting a sunburn.
KANSAS
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.
LOUISIANA
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault.
It is illegal to gargle in public places.
It is illegal to shoot lasers at police officers.
MAINE
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
MASSACHUSETTS
At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday.
It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
Tattooing and body piercing is illegal.
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
MICHIGAN
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
You may not swear in front of women and children.
Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.
MINNESOTA
It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there.
A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his
head.
It is illegal to sleep naked.
All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their
head.
All bathtubs must have feet.
MISSISSIPPI
Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
Adultery or Fornication (living togeather while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $250 fine.
MISSOURI
Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).
It is NOT illegal to speed
NEBRASKA
If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.
NEW JERSEY
It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
You cannot pump your own gas.
It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
You may not slurp your soup.
NEW MEXICO
Idiots may not vote.
State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.
NEW YORK
Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's
head for fun.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00
PM.
NORTH CAROLINA
It's against the law to sing off key.
If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
NORTH DAKOTA
It is illegal to lay down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
OHIO
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
It is illegal to arrest anyone on Sunday.
OKLAHOMA
Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
Whaling is illegal.
It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
Residents are taxed for the furniture in their homes, and any other personal belongings.
People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings.
Tattoos are banned.
No one may spit on a sidewalk.
Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car.
OREGON
Dishes must drip dry.
It is illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear during sex.
Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing,"
Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
_______________________________
It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
You may not sing in the bathtub.
Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass.
You may not catch a fish with your hands.
You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
I posted all these for you guys. I went though, and weeded out the unfunny laws.